Last Updated on July 23, 2021
ON DEADLY GROUND (1994)
Rating: 1.5 on 4 / Buy the DVD here
Tagline: His battle to save the Alaskan wilderness and protect its people can only be won… On Deadly Ground
Directed by Steven Seagal
Starring Steven Seagal, Michael Caine, R. Lee Ermey, Billy Bob Thornton
THE PLAN: CEO of Aegis Oil (Michael Caine) is using faulty equipment to cause massive oil spills to happen in Alaska–for profit. His hired right-hand man (Steven Seagal) catches wind of the shadiness after he puts out the latest oil fire. After surviving an attempted murder, he teams up with the Native Alaskans to make sure the latest Aegis Oil oil refinery never goes online, and thus never has a chance to spill and pollute the wilderness.
THE KILL: Hot on the tail of 1992’s UNDER SIEGE, Steven Seagal was at the top of the charts in terms of his Action Hero status. His take of “DIE HARD on a Battleship” was not only super successful, but proved to be one of his most well-rounded action flicks to date (and since). Seagal was on the top of the world and could have done pretty much anything he wanted to at that point, so what does he do? He decides to direct his first feature film (admirable move!), an action movie in which he stars. Sound too good to be true? Well… it was. Sorta. Because the end result was ON DEADLY GROUND, a flick that’s so horribly bad that it ends up being pretty damn awesome.
Why’s it so bad? From the concept of the story all the way down to its core and the way Seagal portrays himself, the film seems to be set up for failure right from the start. A guy who puts out oil fires in refineries decides to take on the biggest corporate asshole this side of Wall Street, a guy who’s so freakishly over the top that I’m sure Michael Caine forgets to mention it on his resume. Sure, it sounds good on paper… but who would actually want to see that???
Look up! See that? That’s the career I would have had if I didn’t make this movie!
Yes, saving the planet is a good thing and it’s a message that major media outlets should be involved with more often. But as an action movie? A movie that portrays the hero blowing shit up left and right, where explosions around oil refineries are seen as a good thing? Action movies should never (and I f*cking mean never) take themselves as seriously as Seagal takes himself in ON DEADLY GROUND. They should be fun, even when dealing with hardcore topics, because no one wants to watch a movie about a guy saving the day one karate chop at a time if the underlying message is “stop killing the environment.” It doesn’t f*cking work that way.
Seagal tried (and failed) to single-handedly bring back the solid yellow jumpsuits that were big in the late ’80s.
Not only does he take himself too seriously, but the guy comes off as being a self-righteous a-hole, a guy who obviously loves himself and decided to make a movie that plays more like a love letter to all that is Seagal than a movie that was meant to entertain the core action audience it was intended for with over the top messages about environmental responsibilities, the raping of the Alaskan wilderness, and how the white man has ass-f*cked the Native Americans since day one. Yeah yeah yeah, we get it. But this is a flippin’ action movie for flip’s sake, and none of that shit really belongs.
Who are you calling a goatf*cker, Goatf*cker?
But looking at just the action, the flick actually has some pretty solid sequences it can be proud of. Seagal kicking the shit out of a bunch of rednecks in a bar? Check (see clip below). Seagal blowing fools away with a machine gun? Check. Seagal setting up explosives and blowing shit up, including houses and oil refineries? Check. A couple of real bad ass assholes as henchmen? Check (see R. Lee Ermey, Billy Bob Thornton, and John C. McGinley). Some hot chick he meets and almost immediately bangs? Check. And when people get shot, a splatter or an unadulterated blood and gore goes flying everywhere? Check. The only thing that’s really missing here is a solid car chase… otherwise, this bitch has it all!
Smokey the Bear just blew a load all over the screen when this scene happened. God damn does Smokey hate environmental injustice!
ON DEADLY GROUND marked the first of many bombs from Seagal, and is the film where you can actually pinpoint as the beginning of the end for Seagal, as he followed ON DEADLY GROUND up with UNDER SIEGE 2, THE GLIMMER MAN, FIRE DOWN BELOW, EXIT WOUNDS, and more than a decade worth of STD actioners (some good, most bad). But before ON DEADLY GROUND, the guy was on fire and made a name for himself as an action icon, and regardless of if he’s never directed another movie since, ON DEADLY GROUND is worth a viewing, if for nothing else than to see Seagal in a couple of really silly Native American jackets and Michael Caine as one of the biggest dicks in history.
Bar fight sequence from ON DEADLY GROUND!
TOP DEATH: Surprisingly enough, there’s a ton of awesome deaths in this one. My favorite, however is the abrupt awesomeness of R. Lee Ermer’s demise, with a quick flip of a shotgun and a blast of blood and shrapnel.
TOP ACTION SCENE: Seagal heads to his dead friend’s house looking for evidence against Aegis Oil when a helicopter full of thugs drop by to stop him. Machine gun fights, hand-to-hand combat, and a house full of dead bodies later, and you have one entertaining ass-kickin’ fest.
This is for all the starving animals in the world, bitch!
TOP HOMOEROTIC MOMENT: Its Seagal in a frilly Native American leather jacket or Seagal in a fluffy fur jacket. Take your pick.
FEMALE EXPLOITATION: Joan Chen and a handful of other Alaskan Native’s get naked for a sacred dance… a sacred dance that has nothing to do with anything except to get some chick’s naked. Seagal also trips out in an igloo and picks a hagard old lady over a full-nude hottie doing a naked dance.
Everywhere Seagal goes… so many hoes!
TOP LINE/DIALOGUE:
Steven Seagal: For $350,000, I’d f*ck anything once.
DRINKING GAME: Every time any one refers to Seagal as the greatest man ever, you have to drink!
TRIVIA: ON DEADLY GROUND won a Razzie Award in 1995 for Worse Director of the Year (Steven Seagal).
If you even think about showing any sort of emotion, I’m going to cut your balls off!
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