HORROR TEN SPOT: Top 10 St. Patties Horror

Last Updated on August 3, 2021

Ah, St. Patrick’s Day! Is there a better excuse for worldwide drunken revelry and carousing? I think not. And that auspicious day of wearing green, drinking beer and looking to get lucky is upon us soon. The question thus put to us is this – When that Killian’s model with the surprisingly awesome ass for a redhead gets so toasted on what she’s selling that her choice for a one night stand partner becomes a public toilet, what are we to do then?

Watch some f*cking horror my friends! Now it may seem that St. P’s Day is a tough one to obtain appropriate genre fare for, but fear not! There’s plenty for everyone if you just apply a little creativity.

So here’s the flicks that IMHO you should seriously consider adding to the day’s festivities. Disagree? Have other nominations? Well spit ’em like green beer filled bullets down below.

1. Leprechaun

I know this movie sucks donkey balls from any legit perspective, but what the hell else is more appropriate for St. Patrick’s Day than watching psychotic Warwick Davis running around as an evil leprechaun. This makes for a great party movie to have running in the background, or to throw nuts at if they’ll run it at your favorite bar. At the very least, you might be able to turn a feigned appreciation of the plight of little people in Hollywood films into a hot half-sized romp with a drunken leprechaun sized chica. Good luck my friends!

2. Hatchet

What more could you want than goofy, graphic fun with ample nudity and lassie on lassie action to boot? You may be wondering what a pic set in New Orleans during Mardi Gras has to do with SPD. Outside of the fact that both are outstanding parties – nothing. Ah, but the director is Adam GREEN. Good times!

3. Isolation

Maybe you’re not into all the revelry of the day. Maybe seeing all the shenanigans around you just make you all the more aware of the problems in the world. If so, lighten up, but this pic’s for you. A fairly serious genre effort about the dangers of how we handle our natural world. Now granted it does revolve around cows, but strangely enough does not come across as silly at all.

4. Dracula

Bram Stoker hailed from the Emerald Isle, and this is of course his most famous work. Truthfully it probably doesn’t matter which of the approximately 11,593,465 film versions of this story is your favorite. All that matters is taking some time away from checking out how vibrantly green beer makes your plaque stand out to appreciate just how great the imprint of an Irish lad’s story has been on the world

5. Scanners

This may sound a little weird, but Scanners has always felt green to me. Like Total Recall is red and Citizen Kane is b&w. But that’s not the main reason this Cronenburg classic is on the list. It’s here because too damn many people f*ck up the fun of St. Patty’s Day by getting into fights. I say to you there is no need for this, when all you have to do is play the Scanner game. To do it just pretend that you can blow up people’s heads. This idea may not sound great now, but trust me, 8-10 beers in and it’s hysterical.

6. Interview With The Vampire

Irish director Neil Jordan has done the land of Eyre proud with most of his non-Hollywood efforts, but this one is easily his biggest “blockbuster”. It’s also what I affectionately think of as a panty melter. Who cares that the man love in this sucker is thicker than the kosher sausage at my Jewish Deli. You sit down with a lady friend, ply her with beer and a heavy dose of the Cruise-Pitt-Slater onslaught this movie offers – trust me the love juices will be a’flowin!

7. Swamp Thing

It’s green, man. Gotta have some green on SPD! Plus as much as the special effects are lacking in this sucker, it’s hard not to be effected by the love story at the heart of this vegetation on hottie romance. It’s not all about Adrienne Barbeau’s cans either. There’s genetic experimentation, mutations, wicked battles, severed limbs, and a generally good time to be had by all. But no pinching, ’cause there’s so much green!

8. Dementia 13

Francis Ford Coppola convinced legendary producer Roger Corman to let him tag a quick and cheap horror film onto a project that the C man had just finished up in Ireland. The result is this B&W axe-murdering feature loaded with tons of atmosphere and some very creative work arounds by Coppola because of his meager budget. From the opening body dump set to pop music, to a spectacular for the time rolling head, there is much to dig about this dark trek on the Emerald Isle.

9. Feast

Monster mash set in a bar. What could be more in keeping with genre expectations and the spirit of St. Patty’s Day? I know that if I have to face down some nasty beasties in what will likely be my last day on earth, please let there be plenty of beer and Krista Allen. Ironically, I’d probably skip the Guinness and focus on light beers so that I wouldn’t get slowed down when it’s time to run like hell.

10. Samhain

This disgustingly gory genre effort from director Christian Viel is set in Ireland and has a lot going for it. Primarily reams of porn stars, including Ginger Lynn Allen sporting a deliciously bad accent. And of course there’s the ample red, wet messiness that led to protests, distribution problems and general discontent. The bloodshed really is creative in a wholly nauseating kind of way. Besides, who hasn’t wanted to see Richard Grieco bite it big time!