C’mon Hollywood #155

… forget about these SNL alumni!
by Sturdy

As great as the SNL comedian factory is, there are plenty of stars out there that make you scratch your head. Sometimes it seems that if a comedian makes someone laugh one time in an SNL skit, they’re automatically given their own movie. However, you can’t really complain too much about SNL, since it has found some of the best comedic talent of our generation. But still, Jon Lovitz…seriously? Here’s a list (in random order) of SNL alum I don’t want to see anymore.

Rob Schneider: This is one of the few comedians working today that hasn’t done anything I even remotely enjoy. I can only assume that his ties to Sandler keep him working, because I have yet to meet someone that likes the guy. I’m sick of his “you can do it” line, which didn’t even work in WATERBOY, so of course it’s failed every time since then. The guy’s annoying and how he ever managed a sequel to one of his movies is beyond me.

Please tell me they’re not together.

Mike Myers: Ok, of all the people on this list, Myers is the one that I really don’t have a good reason to put on here other than I really don’t like him. I thought he was alright on SNL and I liked Austin Powers fine. But he’s been annoying ever since. LOVE GURU doesn’t look much better, but maybe I’m too quick to judge. I just think that Myers’ best comedy days are behind him.

Ok, now what else ya got?

Horatio Sanz: Here’s a guy that managed to jump into movies despite never making anyone laugh on SNL. They were desperate for another funny fat guy, but I guess they couldn’t find one, so they just hired the first fat guy that auditioned. He surprises me every time he gets work, but somehow it keeps coming. Does anyone remember BOAT TRIP with Cuba? Oh yeah, he did stick toast down his pants in ROAD TRIP. Wait…is that funny?

Was it supposed to be funny because they weren’t really gay?

David Spade: This guy has been peddling his sarcastic, nerdy persona for 15 years now. I loved it on the “Hollywood Minute” and I loved him with Chris Farley, but now it’s old. Perhaps it’s because he’s 43 (doesn’t it seem like he’s older?) now. He’s another one that has had his moment in the sun and now it’s time to move on. Given the right (see: small) role, he can play well off someone else. But please don’t even think about giving him his own starring role, and that includes TV shows.

Jay Mohr: Some people forget that he was on SNL, but that was the first time I ever saw him and therefore that’s what I associate with him. I liked his turn in JERRY MAGUIRE, but this is one guy that every time he talks, it instills a fit of rage in me. I find him to be very obnoxious and I can’t even watch Fox Sports for fear of catching a glimpse of him. I try not to wish harm on people I’ve never even met, but this is one joker I wouldn’t mind watching getting hit by a bus.

Ugghhh. I don’t get it.

Jon Lovitz: Luckily, Jon has almost always been a supporting actor and therefore I typically only have to deal with him in small doses. This helps matters, but I’m still confused as to why he’s still getting work. He uses the same monotone delivery and scratchy voice to tell every joke. Does anyone actually find him funny? Is it his voice? I don’t get it. Someone please explain this to me.