CON: Universal Pictures

UNIVERSAL PICTURES

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR

We’re told that the cast was on a world wide tour promoting the film but insisted on making a stop at Comic Con. Applauded for their effort while they walk on stage are Luke Ford, Isabella Leong, Michelle Yeoh, Maria Bello, Jet Li, and Brendan Fraser. The plot finds our heroes trying to stop the resurrected tyrannical Han, the Dragon Emperor (Li), a mummy awoken from a 2,000-year-old curse. The Emperor now wishes to rebuild his empire, and threatens to plunge the world into his merciless, unending service with his Terracotta Army.

Brendan Fraser is a weird dude. The entire time he was on stage he acted like he was owning the audience but other than the Universal reps and a couple women who loved GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE, he was kind of met with some blank stares and courtesy claps. The clip we were shown centers around the heroes battle with some soldiers in and around a Temple and the three Yeti (Abominable Snowmen) that come to their aid. Lots of good stuff here. The Yeti look pretty cool but there’s no mistaking their CGI coats. They really put an ass whooping on these bad guys. They throw them through walls, smash them in to one another, and, in a rather funny bit, one Yeti kicks a soldier in the nuts so hard he flies through two poles atop the temple as another Yeti gives the “it’s good” sign as if he were a football referee.

Weird.

DEATH RACE

Happy birthday Jason Statham. You get to celebrate by going to Comic Con! Joining Handsome Rob on stage were Tyrese Gibson, Ian McShane, Joan Allen, Natalie Martinez, and director, Paul W.S. Anderson. As a special surprise, Anderson then introduced the original producer of DEATH RACE 3000, Roger Corman. Anderson’s film is more of a prequel to the original which was about a brutal cross-country car race of the future where pedestrians are run down for points. The new film doesn’t have points for killing innocent people. The optimistic Anderson says it’s something they’re looking forward to introducing in the sequel. The clip we get to see features Jensen (Statham) and Case (Martinez) driving in a reinforced Mustang. The man that killed Jensen’s wife is behind them so he slams on his breaks and whips around to face him. Both cars run over a weapon button (which allow the cars to fire) and proceed to destroy each other. Jensen then runs over a defense button and enables his smoke screen. Bad dude hits a half-wall and flips his car. Jensen walks over and talks some shit before breaking his neck and then stares down a camera. Joan Allen looks scared. The best bit of the scene is reserved for Tyrese though. When his co-pilot mistakenly tells him he’s able to fire weapons, Tyrese kicks the guy out of the car and directly into a steel grid. This is possibly the longest paragraph I’ve ever written for the site.

• The entire Hall H crowd sang Happy Birthday to Statham.

• Anderson says there’s no CGI used in the film. Expect some old school action.

• Corman wasn’t behind the new film at first. After seeing some of the concepts being used and a little footage, he admitted to the crowd that this movie is “bigger and better.”

• McShane was the highlight of the panel. When asked about the film he simply says “Joan Allen says ‘fuck.’ What more do you want?”.

• McShane then interrupted Natalie as she tried answering a question regarding what it was like to drive around in such cars to say “That’s rubbish. We never even get to sit in the cars. It’s all stunt men.”

• Jason has no idea I’m in that picture with him below.

DRAG ME TO HELL

Sam Raimi comes out and introduces the film’s trailer right away. This thing is not impressive. I feel like Raimi’s return to horror just took a slide into the shitter. Stephanie (Alison Lohman) wrongs an old gypsy woman and has a curse put on her. Various spooky sounds and talk of killing a cat find there way into the mix. Raimi then introduces Lohman, who looks completely pissed off and doesn’t even raise her head on the way to her chair, Justin Long, and Dileep Rao, a dude that looks more confused than me on my wedding night.

I can’t shake the feeling the trailer left with me so as Sam introduces another clip I sigh like the bitch I am. Little did I know the amount ass this clip would kick. It starts with Stephanie walking to her car in a parking garage. Something spooks her so she’s suddenly in a hurry. She gets in the car and is scared shitless by a hanky that is floating outside the window. As she follows it around the car she comes face to face with the crazy old woman sitting in her back seat. All hell breaks loose as crazy women grabs her from behind and Stephanie knocks the car into reverse and steps on the gas. Steph gets a hold of a staple gun and starts hammering them into her face, one of them sealing her eye shut. The car crashes into another car and the crazy woman’s teeth fly out of her mouth She grabs Stephanie’s face and starts gumming her entire lower jam. This is wonderfully gross. The clip ends after Steph kicks the old bag out of the car and she pops back up with a cinder block.

The next clip is much shorter but just as memorable. Stephanie sleeps as a fly buzzes in and out of her nostrils and then her mouth. She wakes up coughing uncontrollably and turn to find crazy woman in the bed with her. F*cking crazy woman mounts Steph and pukes a gigantic pile of wet worms into her face. End clip.

• Raimi decided he wanted to go back to horror after seeing how much fun the directors were having doing the films on his Ghost House production company. He wanted a more intimate crew and family like atmosphere, things the SPIDER-MAN movies never gave him.

• Bruce Campbell was supposed to be in the film but couldn’t get away from filming on the television show, ‘Burn Notice’. Raimi’s car, however, makes it’s scheduled cameo.

• Raimi says EVIL DEAD 4 is “in the wheelhouse.” His brother Ivan is in town and the two are going to get together to throw around script ideas.

• Justin Long really owns a Mac. Stop asking him about it.

• The film apparently has a pretty gruesome cat death in it. Thanks for the spoiler warning Sam.

LAND OF THE LOST

The light dims before anybody takes the stage for the next panel and I get a little scared. From behind the curtain come two Sleestak’s, large green humanoids with both reptilian and insectoid features that were made popular during the “Land of the Lost’ television show in the mid 70s. Having never watched the show I have no f*cking clue what’s going on and consider running for the exit. They leave shortly after and I try to act cool and pretend there was something in my eye. Anna Friel, Danny McBride, Jorma Taccone (who is a big JoBlo.com fan), and the creators of the original series, Sid & Marty Krofft, take the stage. A few minutes later Will Ferrell is cued up via a fake live feed. The script for this interview goes pretty well and Ferrell gets tons of laughs for seeming to be an idiot.

• Jorma (sup, Jorma?) and Anna had never seen the show and Jorma says he has friends that watched reruns as kids and would go act out the episode after. Nobody wanted to be Chaka, the hairy, monkey-like boy Jorma plays in the movie.

 

• Alice the Dinosaur, Enik, and Grumpy the T-Rex both appear in the movie. Uncle Jack will not.

 

• Temperatures hit 120 degrees in the desert during the shoot.

 

• Friel says she had the biggest vibration machine in the world on set. I have no idea what she said after that.

• There will be no references to the 90s version of the show.