C’mon Hollywood #199

… stop with the bad concert movies!
by Sturdy

What the hell is Disney doing with these concert “movies” (it kills me to call them movies)? I thought we had a flash in the pan with HANNAH MONTANA/MILEY CYRUS: BEST OF BOTH WORLDS CONCERT TOUR, but then we’re hit with JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3D CONCERT EXPERIENCE. Has the recession hit Disney so hard that they’re forced to turn kiddie-concerts into movies? Do kids actually appreciate these movie-concerts? If you’ve seen either of these “movies” and you feel that they’re crowning achievements in filmmaking and I’m way off, then please let me know.

I’ll let you write your own inappropriate captions.

Hopefully, we can all agree that most adults aren’t going to get anything out of these films and with the disappointing box-office figures for the Jonas Brothers, it seems that kids aren’t that interested either. But don’t get fooled that the less than stellar opening will dissuade Hollywood from picking another cheesy band and giving them their own concert movie. I think the only question now is when are the latest rounds of American Idol rejects going to get their own movie (again) and when is Nickelodeon going to jump on the bandwagon and factory-make their own annoying pop star.

These guys should be spending their puberty years stuffed in gym lockers, not in theaters.

Maybe this is just part of my ongoing quest to rid the world of children, or at least confine them to a tiny island until they’re old enough to vote. But the biggest problem I have with these “movies” is that they’re not really movies at all. They’re concerts. You can’t just set up a camera in front a musician and call it a movie. It’s still a concert, it just happens to be captured on film. And why the hell are they putting this shit in 3D? Do people really want to see musicians attack them in a theater?

What exactly is there in a concert to merit having it in 3D?

And I’m not sure I would feel any better about this if the filmed concerts were with people or groups that actually had talent. I would definitely be more interested if it was Bob Dylan or The Killers, but even then, I don’t think I’d bother going to see it in a theater. However, the fact that its Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers makes it that much more sickening. You know that in three years, these guys/girl will either a) be doing construction jobs or b) fall out the bottom of the porn industry. Oh and this is a little off topic, but have you ever watched part of Miley’s TV show? It’s unbearable. And not in that little kid kind of way, but in that I-want-to-rip-her-throat-out kind of way. Don’t kids these days have any standards for what they watch or listen to?

Of course, there’s no reason Disney (or any other studio) should listen to me. A concert movie is a quick and easy way to make some cash. Basically, you set up a few cameras and push ‘record’ and you have yourself a movie. And apparently, that’s enough to get kids into the theater. But these aren’t movies and filmed concerts should go straight to DVD. Let’s stop with the unnecessary theatrical releases and save the theaters for actual movies.