Crawford’s loose foot

When it was announced earlier this year that Zac Efron was dropping out of Kenny Ortega’s FOOTLOOSE remake, my world collapsed. I lay bed-ridden in my room for weeks, pleasuring myself only twice a day instead of thrice, and limiting my daily intake of McDick double cheeseburgers to three instead of four. I just couldn’t eat. Now comes news that gossip guy Chace Crawford will replace Efron, and my world once again makes sense. One hunk who can barely act for another. One square-jawed, fake-tanned teen idol replaces another. The world actually works. The trees are green, the left side of my pillow is forever cold, the Blue Jays will win the pennant, and FOOTLOOSE will change the way we watch movies. Sorry James Cameron, it’s true.