Biel gets Engaged

Any time Jessica Biel and Engaged find themselves in the same sentence is reason enough for a national day of mourning. Although that one’s a film about Jess doing lots of boning, so hold that thought for now…

The actress and her production shingle Iron Ocean have picked up a pitch called F**KING ENGAGED (that’s the actual title, it ain’t me over-expressing myself…) from rookie screenwriter Julia Brownell. The film would have Jess herself as a bride who makes a pact with her groom to have sex every single day leading to their wedding, in order to keep the flame alive. Kinda kills the “wedding night mysteries” though, doesn’t it? Not that anyone has any of those anymore, but that doesn’t mean we can’t maintain the illusion, right? RIGHT??? ok, fine…

Biel’s Iron Ocean is also developing two more vehicles for the hottie, “The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” and “How to Cook Your Daughter.” About a girl who likes to be eaten. Ok, that one was too easy, sorry.