Awfully Good: Range 15

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Hope all our readers in the United States had a great Fourth of July. I celebrated by watching the MOST AMERICAN MOVIE OF ALL TIME…

Range 15 (2016)

Director: Ross Patterson
Stars: Mat Best, Nick Palmisciano, Vincent Vargas

After a night of hardcore partying, a group of military veterans wakes up to find the world has fallen to the zombie apocalypse. Now it’s up to them to shoot, stab, and hump their way to saving the world.

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN? Psssh…old news. FULL METAL JACKET? More like Half Assed Poncho.

Who better to make a movie about the military than the military?

Real American heroes.

RANGE 15 is the two-headed spermbaby of Nick Palmisciano and Mat Best, the veteran owners of clothing companies Ranger Up and Article 15. Tired of cinema’s consistently inaccurate portrayal of the military, and with a string of successful web videos under their PT belts, the pair decided it was time to team up and make their own film to truly represent the men and women of the armed forces. RANGE 15’s cast, crew and even extras were mostly made up of veterans and the resulting irreverent zombie action-comedy is the perfect vehicle to showcase the warped sense of humor and unique camaraderie found amongst those who served. The film is also more than happy to put boots to the ass of military movie stereotypes, from cliché inspiring speeches to unrepentant homoeroticism. Seriously, a hole lot of homoeroticism.

It’s nice to see the military incorporating HUMAN CENTIPEDE tactics in to their training.

Directed by Ross Patterson (FDR: AMERICAN BADASS, HELEN KELLER VS. NIGHTWOLVES), RANGE 15 is a perfect entry in to this column…and not just because it features a character with a blow-up doll glued to his dick the entire movie. The movie wears its crowd-funded budget and quick production schedule on its sleeve while still delivering non-stop quotable lines and over-the-top, ridiculous gags. If you’re easily offended, then you’ll definitely appreciate the graphic zombie sex, prolonged amputee jokes, and the rest of the penis-ripping fun. When the film’s hero is forced to receive the zombie cure rectally, with his two friends shoving a bottle up his ass and Eiffel Towering him in the process, you’ll realize that nothing in this movie is off limits, in the best way possible. There’s also lots of in-jokes for servicemen and women to appreciate, from digs at PT belts and challenge coins to stolen valor dickholes getting their asses stomped.

With Gene Vandeham besides him, President Obama truly felt hope for the first time.

Unsurprisingly, there’s not a complex plot at work here, but the film offers a pretty good take on the tired zombie genre. After a night of drunken debauchery, a group of vets wake up in jail to two disturbing facts: 1) William Shatner is their lawyer, and 2) the zombie apocalypse is in full swing. The speed at which the guys immediately formulate a plan of action and get moving is only one of the ways this movie sets itself apart. Another original idea: the soldiers find a cure for the undead virus fairly quickly—a case of whiskey full of viper semen. (Of course.) The rest of the movie follows the guys (and two ass kicking ladies) as they try to get the tainted liquor to a group of army scientists at a bunker called Range 15. Simple yet effective.

And I wasn’t joking when I called RANGE 15 the most American movie ever made. There’s a montage in the first act that includes random shots of eagles, hamburgers, cocaine, and a silhouetted saxophonist. If that’s not enough ‘Murica for you, the film ends with all the survivors, still covered in zombie blood, singing “America the Beautiful” around a campfire while one of them still has a sex-doll attached to his penis. And c’mon, how can you not get misty with patriotism at a movie with lines like “I just blacked out on freedom!” and “I feel like I got buttf*cked by Francis Scott Key!”

ISIS made the mistake of saying “what” again.

What is surprising is that not only are the veteran stars of the film really funny with great chemistry together, but they’re all fairly decent actors for being first-time amateurs. Mat Best especially has naturally expert comedic timing and delivery that carries a lot of the film. A number of famous actors also turn up in support, including the always gruff and great Keith David, an incomprehensible William Shatner, Sean Astin and Zombie Randy Couture and Zombie Danny Trejo. But even with all this talent, Ross Patterson can’t help but steal the movie himself in his small role as showboating war hero Gene Vandenham. OOOHHRRROOO!

I would make a joke about a ZOMBIE MACHETE movie, but Robert Rodriguez is probably already working on it.

Most impressive, however, is the roster of real life war heroes that make appearances and the amount of fun everyone seems to be having. Marcus Lutrell, the basis for the movie LONE SURVIVOR, shows up just long enough to make a dig at Mark Wahlberg. Medal of Honor recipients Leroy Petry and Clint Romesha also have no problem making tongue-in-cheek jokes at their own expense and injuries. Same with Mary “WonderNubs” Dague, who lost both her arms in Iraq, and has two of the most memorable moments in the movie. And Bronze Star winner and UFC fighter Tim Kennedy shows up like you’ve never seen him before—completely naked and fighting Zombie Randy Couture.

[slow clap]

RANGE 15 is a quick, enjoyable 90 minutes that rarely lets up on the laughs. But make sure you stay after the credits for a heartfelt Making Of feature that shows the hard work that went in to the film’s production and what exactly it means to those involved. It’s really quite touching.

Just like it touched your mom. America.

So many great one-liners. Enjoy.

Some of the most outrageous scenes, plus the glory that is Gene Vandenham. (Probably NSFW)

Enjoy the penis while it lasts (and is still attached).

Find out where this movie is playing in a theater near you!