Prime

A 23-year old man falls for a 37-year old recently divorced hottie who just happens to be seeing his mother as a psychiatrist. At first, only the mom is aware of the connections between the three, and isn’t hip to the idea because the woman isn’t Jewish like them, but ultimately the cat is let out of the bag, and yet…we still don’t care about anyone in the movie. What follows is a sitcom romcom that reallysuckscom.

What a terrible movie. About ten minutes into this thing, I started to get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I feel a manufactured romantic comedy piece of shit coming my way (they generally feature the names “Ephron” or “Meyers” in the credits though) and as the film’s end credits rolled before my eyes, I confirmed that fact as I sat there, speechless at the lifeless cinematic voyage that I had just taken. How anyone in their right mind can write (or in the cast of a studio head…approve) a romantic comedy that features 3 unlikable characters is beyond me! Look folks, it’s Meryl Streep as a bigoted mother! Look folks, it’s some bland, no-name actor playing a bland no-name character! (it’s Bryan Greenberg as David Bloomberg!) Looks folks, it’s Uma Thurman playing…a divorcee without any depth, soul or personality! Mix them all together and I guess we’re supposed to give a shit about any of them, but when you add to the lame characterizations, a tepid script that involves no real human development, but rather “movie moments” that shift the action from one scene to the other, it’s almost as if these people weren’t even trying. Add that to some horrible editing, which felt like it was skipping scenes, a number of phony-baloney break-up sequences, every single one of which did nothing for me, and enough Jewish references to isolate most anyone who isn’t Jewish in the audience, and you’ve got yourself an excellent example piece for future film students of what NOT to do in romantic comedies: 1) Base the relationship entirely on sex. 2) Make sure the two lead actors have zero chemistry. 3) Add a forgettable soundtrack with no memorable romantic tunes whatsoever. 4) Title it horribly. 5) Make sure to end it all on a downer note.

Oh, and if you’re hoping that the film’s secondary characters make up for the lack of anything from its stars…think again. The lead character’s best friend likes to pie girls in the face after they break up with him (seriously folks, we’re supposed to either a) believe this or b) think this is funny) and of course, all of Uma’s friends are “gay guys” who understand hetero relationships better than hetero folks because…well, I’m not sure why, but that’s how it usually works in romantic comedies…so just go with it! Seriously man, this movie angered me. It angered me because I know there are dozens of smart guys out there writing their hearts out and coming up with inventive, romantic ideas for movies, and for some reason or another, Hollywood thinks movies like PRIME are what audiences want to see. I can’t believe this movie was made by the same guy who wrote and directed the awesome BOILER ROOM. Dude, stick to what you know and leave the “love stuff” to other people. This film felt like it was written by a 14-year old Jewish kid with a hard-on and a need to get back at mommy. The only reason it’s not getting a lower score is because Streep was uncomfortably amusing in a few scenes and her shtick about Q-tips was funny.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian