Mission Impossible 3

Ethan Hunt is getting married to a chick who looks like Katie Holmes and now has to decide whether or not he’s still willing to play the “spy game” versus living the life of a regular married shlub. His dilemma is answered for him when one of his spy-students is captured in Germany and it’s up to Ethan and his undercover cohorts to go in and bust her out. What ensues is plenty of spy-games, plenty of shaky-cams and plenty of shots of Tom Cruise’s ass! Just kidding about that last part. That was my own shit going on.

Unlike many people out there, I thoroughly enjoyed the first MISSION IMPOSSIBLE movie (even moreso when rewatching it on DVD) and even had a good time during John Woo’s slo-motion-fest in MI-2, so I was damn stoked when I walked into the jam-packed screening room for the third part of the impossible mission installments, and even forgot all about “nutty ol’ Tom” (he’s so glib!) as the lights went out and Cruise’s intense face looked down upon me from the big screen. When all was said and done two hours later, I had enjoyed myself (and oddly enough, wet myself!), the time had flown by faster than my lacking performances in bed, and entertainment had been thrown before my eyes and I had caught it with much glee. That said, there weren’t too many sequences in the film that made me pull out a pencil to write it down so that I could call my grandma up later and tell her about it (not that I even carry a pencil around with me), but the action was non-stop from beginning to end, and if that’s what you’re looking for in your summer action blockbusters, MI-3 should definitely do the trick for you and your crotch. As much as Mr. Cruise was acting kooky during his WAR OF THE WORLDS promos last year, the man continues to kick ass as an actor, and you can’t really ask him for much more than that. As per his usual gritty style, he comes through in every which way (but loose), including the action stuff, the sappy stuff, the emotional stuff and even the funny stuff.

The rest of the cast also helped solidify the film all around, especially Laurence Fishburne and his supervisory posturing (loved the one-liners, dude), Ving Rhames and his sidekick banter and ball-bustings, Maggie Q and her looking sweet, and the always lovely Keri Russell and her…well, loveliness. Oh God, and let me not forget the very awesome Philip Seymour Hoffman who actually surprised me with how effective he was as the “bad guy” here…the man looked like he didn’t give a shit about anyone, and when he spoke threats…damn dude, I believed the guy! The weird thing about the film is that director J.J. Abrams kept insisting that this was the one MISSION flick that would also have you “caring” about the characters, and unfortunately, I didn’t really pick up on that, especially between Cruise and his wife in the film, Katie Holmes. In fact, I thought the mentor/student relationship between he and Russell was more effective. As for the action, well, the film is swimming in it, with everything from an all-out shoot-out at a German warehouse to a bomb attack on a U.S. bridgeway to jumps across Shanghai edifice rooftops and infiltrations into the Vatican packing its minutes, along with tension, one-liners and a rapid-ass pace. On the downside, I honestly could have done without all of the camera-shaking through a lot of the action sequences. When are directors going to learn that we actually WANT TO SEE what is happening on the screen, as opposed to just seeing blurs of it, and imagining the rest? Most of the action was well-shot, but there was enough shaky-cam stuff to piss me off, so I had to mention it.

Overall, I think my buddy Arrow said it best as we walked out of the theater and straight into the nearest watering hole, “Pretty much what I expected.” Yes, if you’re expecting a fun, all-around action packed summer blockbuster starring the man with the million dollar smile, Tom Cruise. PS: I know his wife in the film isn’t Katie Holmes…it was a joke…don’t email me. Note: If you want to turn this movie into a “drinking game”, take a shot every time someone says “Rabbit’s Foot”. Trust me…a good time will be had by all.

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian