Your Next “Agent 007” Will Be Captain Marvel’s Lashana Lynch!

Last Updated on August 5, 2021

Please, scroll on to the next article! Nothing to see here, gov'na… just a tiny announcement that the title of MI6 special agent 007 will soon be passed on to a new owner other than James Bond! I hope that headline didn't scare the living daylights out of you, but it is now being reported that Lashana Lynch (CAPTAIN MARVEL's bestie) will be handed the reigns to the 007 moniker in the currently-shooting BOND 25 where Mr. Daniel Craig still retains the title for, I guess, most of the movie? I mean, isn't this kind of a big-time spoiler? Or, do the filmmakers need to prep the audience for such a jaw-and-popcorn-dropping reveal because Ms. Lynch is a female and black and today's society has a penchant for going apeshit over any type of casting decision that disrupts the norm? Shit, I don't f*cking know, but there you have it.

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Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to do us all a fast favor and try to provide some sort of quantum of solace regarding this breaking news. For the James Bond purists, I don't expect them to squalk… I expect them to cry: "How dare they give James Bond's legendary status to a woman!" Well, first of all, let's all understand that Lashana Lynch is NOT playing "James Bond" in BOND 25. She plays a character named simply "Nomi". Hence, she isn't going to be playing James Bond in any future spy outings. She is just going to be playing "Nomi" who takes on the agent number of 007. We are told that James Bond is retiring in BOND 25 so I don't see anything insaned f*cked up about the number living on through a new incarceration be it someone who is a woman or black or fluent in Vulcan or whatever! I also think it's a pretty safe bet to say that Ms. Lynch, who I felt was awesomely bad-ass in CAPTAIN MARVEL, most likely rocks the casbah as "Nomi" in this next Bond flick, which will further reassure the world that she is worthy to shoulder those three famous numbers! Regardless, I'm sure our readers will be more than happy to grace us with their opions and theories in the comments section below.

In additon to Ms. Lynch, the new Bond movie stars some guy named Daniel Craig, as well as Rami Malek (who just won a goldmember), Ralph Fiennes, Naomie Harris, Rory Kinnear, Léa Seydoux, Ben Whishaw, and Ana de Armas. The plot will find the secret agent having left active service and enjoying a tranquil life in Jamaica, however, his peace is short-lived when his old friend Felix Leiter from the CIA turns up asking for help. The mission to rescue a kidnapped scientist turns out to be far more treacherous than expected, leading Bond onto the trail of a mysterious villain armed with dangerous new technology. And THEN, Daniel Craig turns into a black lady because of a malfunctioning gadget mistakenly created by Q… just kidding! BOND 25 is slated for an April 8, 2020 release.