The F*cking Black Sheep: Ghoulies (1984)

Last Updated on August 2, 2021

THE BLACK SHEEP is an ongoing column featuring different takes on films that either the writer HATED, but that the majority of film fans LOVED, or that the writer LOVED, but that most others LOATH. We’re hoping this column will promote constructive and geek fueled discussion. Dig in!

GHOULIES (1984)

DIRECTED BY LUCA BERCOVICI

Straight up: what do you get when you toss GREMLINS, TROLLS, CRITTERS and some well-aged cheese into a cheap ass plastic blender? Motherf*cking GHOULIES, that’s what!

Ah yeah. As far as unabashed cheesy 80s creature features are concerned, few rank higher than GHOULIES when it comes to sheer entertainment value. Yes, the movie is dim and derivative, not to mention deeply absurd, but so what, it’s a goddamn blast of a gross-out mid-80s time capsule. In other words, it’s a must-see-so-bad-it’s-good phenomenon that, for whatever reason, despite its clever self-awareness and overtly cheeky tone, has been roundly rejected by most horror fans and critics alike. Is it too cartoonish to care? Too silly to scare? Or has it simply gotten lost in the innumerable spate of 80s horror flicks released before and after it? Why so much hate for a movie that is clearly having itself a good old time!? As GHOULIES turns 35 this year, here’s why the flick is still a F*cking Black Sheep!

One of the first things to consider regarding the merit of GHOULIES is that it actually precedes two-thirds of the aforesaid superior titles. Hell, CRITTERS even pays direct homage to GHOULIES with the shot of a toilet-dwelling infantile mutation. Due deference is in order! The next thing to consider about the flick is the talent involved behind the scenes. The great Charles Band produces, even after he was set to direct the film (then titled BEASTIES) with the late great Stan Winston in line to handle the FX, a partnership born from the 1982 movie PARASITE. As it stands, PARASITE director Luca Bercovici assumed the helm of GHOULIES, with the young upstart John Carl Buechler (RIP) in charge of the FX. In spite of the low budget of a cool million dollars, these guys delivered a truly fun yet reviling horror film that everyone should see at least once in their lifetime. Fun fact, the terms “Ghoulie” means “small monster” in Persian.

Plot-wise, nothing new transpires. A teenager named Jonathan (Peter Liapis) inherits his grandfather’s dusty old mansion, where he discovers volumes of ancient occult texts. A high-school party is thrown, a half-assed ritual conducted, and soon a little green goblin suddenly formulates inside the house. The toothy blob of viscid neon slime is revolting to look at, never mind its odious intent. Soon, John becomes possessed by the Ghoulies, unbeknownst to his friends, and soon a teenage smorgasbord is laid out for the foul little evil homunculi to voraciously feast!

Of course, it isn’t the story that pleases so much, it’s the extremely solid practical FX work and puppeteering that, in conjunction with the riotous comedic tone, really makes that movie so enjoyable. I mean, when a character spouts the line: “Mr. Dick, you are one lucky guy” as he peers down at his dong while a woman approaches, you can’t much of anything in the film too seriously. The most iconic image in the film is likely the shot of the Ghoulie emerging from the toilet, which drew several many complaints from parents about scaring their children from going to the bathroom alone. Band originally took credit with coming up with the image for the poster, but has since claimed someone else originated the idea. Still, the image is just as creepy as it’s billed.

In terms of other memorable moments, the scene where the Ghoulie overlord pretends to be a woman stands out. He summons a dude near him, only to spit-wrap a nasty five-foot tongue around the dude’s throat until it punctures skin and draws quarts of blood. Shite’s gnarly! So too is the shot of young Mariska Hargitay getting accosted by a disguised ghoul in a clown suit. Neon green ooze pours from the creature’s eyes before a huge claw rips through the clown mask to reveal a large slavering green fish-head of sorts. Shite’s enough to make the poor girl piss her panties on the spot. It would mine, anyway!

Impressive visual spectacles litter the screen in GHOULIES. The design of that f*cked-up feline mutation, for instance, with popping red eyes and a Cheshire smile of razor teeth, would still terrify an audience today. So too would that repulsive giant rat/bat amalgamation that flies around and sucks more blood than a raft of leeches. My lord! Thing is, these finely detailed creations are meant to induce as many chuckles and legitimate frights, which tends to diminish some of the overall artistry found onscreen. That is, frivolity is much easier to dismiss than fear, so if the creatures in GHOULIES were meant only to scare the piss out of people, I’d argue the movie would be viewed much more favorably by all who’ve seen it. Alas, the humor outweighs the horror in a way that makes people ignore the excellent makeup and FX work.

To be honest, the only real issue I have with GHOULIES is how short it is. At just 78 minutes, the movie ends far too abruptly to be considered a substantial piece of 80s horror. But even if it lacks substance, the pure pabulum the film engenders is comported with such a fun, insouciant sense of humor and eye-bugging FX that it doesn’t matter much. GHOULIES is not only the perfect midnight movie to get drunk and stoned with friends before widely ridiculing, as it relates to other 80s creature-features, it’s a F*cking Black Sheep as well.

GET GHOULIES ON BLU-RAY HERE