3000 Miles to Graceland

A bunch of bad guys dressed up as Elvis impersonators rob a Vegas casino during a Presley convention. The boys eventually get together to split the money, but as plans change, double-crosses occur, dealing and wheeling goes down and the crew set up for the road. Who’s on the up and up, who’s the real bad guy and who’s gonna get to bang Courteney Cox are just a few of the questions which will be answered by the rest of this movie.

The funnest movie that I’ve seen so far this year! It’s got style, it’s got tough guys talkin’ shite and it’s got plenty of bullets to go around. A definite hunk-a-hunk-a burnin’ adventure! A guy’s guy movie through and through, and one that’ll set your jollies to high if you dig on the rough stuff. It’s not very original, it goes on for a little too long, but Costner and Russell make it happen, as two shite-kickin’ Elvis lovers, who don’t stop till they, more or less, drop. This movie’s got some pretty intensive shoot-out scenes, one of the coolest robbery scenarios that I’ve ever witnessed, featuring several Elvises with guns a blazin’ and the King’s music playing in the background, and a decent helping of double-crosses, sharp dialogue and funny moments. In fact, even though the cast is filled with many name actors (B-actors as they might be for the most part), most of them do their bit and succeed well in passing the torch onto the next victim. But the true glue that holds this film together, other than the spirit of Elvis himself, is Costner and Russell, who play their badass characters to the T. Sure, Russell’s been down this road before, but Costner surprised me with his nastiness. I guess he’s pissed at all the box-office bombs that he’s been in of late, but he sure played a great unstable Elvis impersonating robber here. In the end, the bottom line with this movie is having fun, kickin’ ass and making sure there’s enough bubblegum around to chew afterwards. And smoke ’em if you got ’em, folks!

There is also this one really great show-down scene between Costner and a cop, that’ll have you crackin’ up and lovin’ it all at the same time. The violent scenes in this movie are violent and the entire film is wrapped in a soundtrack that’ll kick your arse from this end of the theatre to the next. It should actually come to no surprise to anyone that the director of this movie comes from a music video background, with plenty, and I mean plenty, of camera tricks, cuts and edits, but for this kind of flick, it actually works. The film is not perfect though, it starts off with a pretty big bang, but then pulls a WAY OF THE GUN on us, and slows the pace down somewhat in the middle, while characters intermingle and disperse. I was personally kept in the game despite some soft spots, and enjoyed the overall ride for what it was as well. And did I mention that Courteney Cox looked mega-hot in the movie? No…okay, well I just did! I coulda done without her whole “romance” angle, but to be honest, it doesn’t take up much of the film, which is generally covered in blood, explosions, guts and Elvis nods. Try to see how many “inside” connections to the King you can guess. Of course, it’s no secret that I am quite a big Elvis fan myself so please take this whole review with that grain of salt in mind. I also like these types of “guy” movies a lot, and even though the film doesn’t bring much originality to the table, it does offer a pretty coherent story, some nice twists and turns, humor and a big ol’ helping of whoop-ass coming straight from Costner and Russell’s respective boots. Probably not a film for everyone, but definitely for those who enjoy the guns, the charismatic bad guys and a fun, if entirely disposable, adventure. Now see how many Elvis songs I’ve used to pun my way through this phony review below.

THE ELVIS SONGS ALSO RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE!

So whether you’re lonesome tonight or any other night, remember to pack the teddy bear with bullets, leave your little sister at home, bring your bossa nova baby and rock out of that jailhouse, cause this movie ain’t one to return to the sender. I really beg of you, whether you’re stuck in the ghetto or crying in the chapel, to slap this cinematic ring around your neck and love it tender. And no suspicious minds either, folks, cause I got stung by this movie, I mean it really shook me up, and unless you’re the devil in disguise himself, I think you won’t be able to help falling in love with this lucky charm either. So don’t be cruel, don’t turn away, don’t curl up with your latest flame tonite (whether she be a hard-headed woman or not) and surrender to the hound dog of movies that is this film. It’s now or never, folks. Trust me, I did it my way and the heartbreak hotel of crappy movies that I’d seen so far this year is far behind me. JoBlo has now officially left the sanity of his mind and this building. Thank you…thank you very much!!

(c) 2021 Berge Garabedian