10 Awesome
Self-Portrayals
Sorry Bob (above) but that title pic is the only love you'll be
getting in this list. As much as I wanted to search through the trillions of
cameo appearances by celebrities playing themselves I decided to stick with the
meatier roles and free up some time for that bottle of rum whispering at me from
across the room. I once wrote a script called OUR HERO specifically for William
Katt (the guy who played The Greatest American Hero) where he actually gets
super powers similar to the television show but nobody believes him. He ends up
turning evil and starts killing everybody until Christopher Reeve reveals that
he really is Superman and kicks his ass. My phone calls were not returned.
Anyway, enough about my failures, enjoy the list. I'll tell the bottom of the
bottle you said hi.
Honourable Mention: Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar - AIRPLANE! (1980)
Had he not tried to pass himself off as Roger Murdock for half
the movie he would have been higher. That kid knew who he was and if you still
have your doubts watch for the goggles and Lakers uniform shorts when they drag
him out of his seat. I know I pimp this movie a lot on the site but after being
repeatedly slapped in the balls by this "new school" of spoof movies you can't
help but appreciate it's brilliance.
Honourable Mention #2: Bruce
Campbell - MY NAME IS BRUCE (2008)
It's not even out yet and I haven't seen anything more than a
trailer. It just doesn't matter. It's Bruce......... playing Bruce.........
directed by Bruce. This film could come out and personally offend me by having a
character defecate on my picture and it would still be on this list. Hail to the
King, bitches.
10. Jerry Lawler -
MAN ON THE MOON (1999)
It must of been awesome for Lawler to take a break from hosting
duties on Monday Night Raw to step back in the ring and relive his fake feud
with Andy Kaufman. He was actually pretty bad-ass back in those days as proven
by the brutal beat-down he delivered to Kaufman on Letterman (also re-enacted
for the film). A whole generation of wrestling fans had no idea he could throw
down like that.
9. Ian Ziering & Brian
Austin Green - DOMINO (2005)
A lot of the reason I like this movie has to do with these two
guys shitting all over themselves throughout the story. After being hired to
host a Dog The Bounty Hunter type reality show, the guys get held hostage by the
stars of the show when things turn ugly and basically get treated like little
bitches by Keira Knightley every scene they're in. Still, these were much cooler
roles than they had on 90210.
8. Cher -
STUCK ON YOU (2003)
How do you approach Cher with this script? "Okay Cher, you're
playing an Oscar winning actress who's been demoted to a shitty television
drama. You're an A-list bitch with no heart and you're banging Frankie Muniz.
You'll be playing yourself." If that didn't get her to sign I'm sure it was the
part about the adult conjoined twins in the lead.
7. Heather Langenkamp -
NEW NIGHTMARE (1994)
The only three NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET movies that matter to me
are the original, DREAM WARRIORS (part 3), and this. Heather Langenkamp has
everything to do with that. Getting to see her along with Robert Englund, John
Saxson, and Wes Craven live within the world they created is original and
brilliant. After the hole dug by NIGHTMARES 4, 5, and 6, this film deserves far
more credit than it receives.
6. Morris Day -
PURPLE RAIN (1984)
When I thought of PURPLE RAIN my intention was to use it's star,
Prince, to complete my list. Then I found out he was basically the only
character in the movie that went by a different name. He was The Kid. Awesome.
So I went for the next best thing. Morris serves up some of the film's best
moments by either kicking it on stage, degrading the sexy ladies, or being a
complete asshole. After The Kid's (sigh) dad shoots himself, Morris simply peaks
in the room and says "Bang, bang." and leaves. I wonder if this is a true story.
See you in a bit with 5-1
