"Are we having fun yet?"-- Andrew Scott

Man, I love this movie. When it was first released theatrically, "Universal Soldier" was, for me, an event of epic proportion. Two of my favorite (at the time) wham-bam action stars in one bad ass sci-fi, action flick. Can you go wrong? Although not all that it could’ve been, "Universal Soldier" didn’t let me down and still came through like an uppercut to the nads today.

This is one of those flicks that middle-aged critics loved to rip into upon its initial release. In fact, here’s a quote from Roger Ebert’s Universal Soldier review: “I suppose there is a market for this sort of thing among bubblebrained adolescents of all ages.”  Bubblebrained? BUBBLEBRAINED! Sorry fucko, but I loved the film and consider myself to be an intelligent individual. I’m a moron because I like seeing Dolph Lundgren make necklaces with sliced off ears and say “Can you hear me?” into them? I’m a twat because I like seeing JC, driven by the munchies, kick all kinds of bootie in a diner? How’s the view from that skyscraping pedestal buddy? Sheesh! Condescending, anal retentive critics’ aside...it’s like this folks: if you groove on gory action, pure entertainment and cinematic violence cranked up to the max...you’ll get a few pleasurable round-kicks to the noggin out of this one.

"Universal Soldier" is a slickly shot, relentless action rollercoaster ride that barely stops for a whack attack. At its core, this bad mutha is basically an extended chase sequence that bombards us with exhilarating scenarios, lots of gunplay and fist fights while at the same time always finding the right moments to inject a little humor here and there. That’s right soldiers, along with the carnage, the truck chases, the grenade fun, Lundgren’s gratuitous killing of innocents and Van Damme’s gravity defying kicks...we also get some well placed sexual innuendos, some funny ass lines and even a self-referential Van Damme quip. Funny shite!

On top of the physical happenings and the chuckles, the film also surprised me by managing to effectively put out a couple of credible emotional scenes. Now don’t get me wrong dudes and dudettes, I didn’t reach for the box of Kleenex or the “suicide” gun, but Luc’s plight did manage to slightly touch me on some level and to get that from a film of this nature, is quite a feat. And lastly there’s THE MOMENT: The Lundgren vs Van Damme final fisticuffs. Although exciting in a “bar brawl” kind of way, I did wish the flick would’ve concentrated more on both men’s martial art fighting abilities to give us the ultimate showdown. Having said that, it was still a hoot and a half to witness. When Dolph says jump, you have to say how high? GOT IT! YEAH!!!!!!!

The film does have its flaws when it comes to being more than bloody popcorn fun and actually has to address the details of its storyline though. I mean, how did this whole “taking dead soldiers and re-animating them" thing work again? I’m not even sure the script knows. Talk about damn vague! I was also let down by the way the movie handled Luc’s parents subplot. First and foremost, the actors playing them looked like actors playing parents versus real people. Second of all, the flick totally rushed through their reunion, way more interested in getting to the down and dirty stuff than actually taking the time to delve into the dramatic possibilities. But you know what? I said fuck it. That’s the game "Universal Soldier" wanted to play and I was more than eager to go with it.

Another ending for this movie was shot (and edited). It included a twist ending with Luc’s (Van Damme) parents being fake and Jerry Orbach's character (Dr. Gregor) coming in with an army. I think Luc gets mowed down by the army and it ends on a sad note. That would’ve rocked!

The film was initially supposed to be directed by Andrew Davis ("The Fugitive").

Avoid the sequel: "Universal Soldier: The Return", it embarrasses the original.