Since I already wasted 80-something minutes of my existence on this obviously edited to death unfunny drivel, I’ll try (I said try) to keep it short for this review. I got precious moments of my “life” to gain back.

Gone are the biting Wayans Brothers (the lads behind the two previous Scary Movies) and their excessive brand of humor. Gone are the R-rating and the main Scary Movie regulars too! Say hello to a mostly new cast, a PG-13 rating and “spoof” veteran director David Zucker behind the camera. Zucker is the duder who gave us yuk-yuk classics such as "Airplane!", "Top Secret" and "Naked Gun" and surprisingly, even he, with all of his experience, couldn’t make this piece of shite float above water. After the opening scene came off flatter than an un-stuffed A-cup bra, I knew I was in major trouble with this turkey. It showcased used up Pamela Anderson and charming Jenny McCarthy in Catholic school girl uniforms! How in Hefner’s name can you muck that up? Well, "Scary Movie 3" succeeded in doing just that.

Throughout this sorry patch job that posed as a movie with a story, "Signs", "Matrix Reloaded" and "The Ring" were the three genre films that were poked at the most. The bad news is that the gags went from half assed to bland, dated to typical, in poor taste (what was that pedophile priest shite all about?) to mildly amusing (the Michael Jackson bit)...and I stress the word mildly! White, angry, rich and whining rapper Eminem’s film “8 Mile” was also parodied in what was easily the longest “joke” of the movie. What the hell does “8 Mile” have to do with the horror genre, you may ask? Absolutely nothing. That was a “target audience” decision but it made no difference since the bit also came out staler than Vanilla Ice’s rhymes. And is it me or did having white folks (i.e "crackers" as the film puts it) act and talk like black folks cease to be funny since...since...well…forever? It was never funny! If I hear a white person say “shizzle my nizzle” one more time in a film, I’ll bludgeon somebody with a dictionary. Freaking pathetic!

To add insult to insult to insult, once “Kool Kat” but now tamed “Poon Hound” Charlie Sheen was so utterly wasted here as well. What a damn shame! With the right material, the Party Sheen could be one hilarious mofo and anyone who's seen "Major League" or the "Hot Shots" movies can attest to that. He was given almost nothing to do here. Speaking of waste: Regina Hall, Anna Faris, Leslie Nielsen, Eddie Griffin, Queen Latiwhogivesafuck and Simon Rex all gave admirable performances, but even they couldn’t bring this dead script back to life via their energetic presences. Hopefully their paychecks cleared on the first pass at the bank.

Anthony Anderson's character was so popular at test screenings, that additional scenes for him were quickly written and shot while the film was in post-production.

The flick was shot in Vancouver BC.

"Scary Movie 4" is already in pre-production. Great…more garbage…