"The Punisher" (2004) was my most anticipated movie of the year and I went into it really wanting to like it. I have such a soft spot for the Marvel Comic Book character on which the flick is based and although I did appreciate the loose 1989 Dolph Lundgren interpretation of it...I was hoping to find a more faithful adaptation in terms of tone and narrative via this new entry. Did I find it? HELL NO!

Is it that hard to adapt a comic book about a vigilante who seeks revenge against his family’s killers into a film the RIGHT way? Is it that freaking hard to stick to the themes and the dark tone that accompanies vengeance as the lead character enforces it? I guess it must be! I blame one man for this trite mess and that is writer/director Jonathan Hensleigh (writer of "Die Hard with a Vengeance" in his directorial debut). He took what was a fairly simple formula (you killed my family...now I off you!) and bogged it down, watered it down and dumbed it down to the point of frustration and much ridicule. Thank you for that! Thank you for ruining what could’ve been a lean and mean revenge machine! Want to stab me in the back and fuck my girlfriend while you’re at it?

It all started on the right gunshot, which made the stupidity that ensued even more maddening. Seeing Castle’s family axed out was mucho gripping and I was right there with the lad...feeling the pain and all juiced up for some old fashioned macho revenge! But after the set-up, that was all she wrote. What was supposed to be a to-the-bone action flick somehow became a bad episode of "Melrose Place" with Frank Castle sneaking around with a portable fire hydrant (don’t ask) and spreading bad “psychological” seeds within the enemy camp. You call that getting even? Is that what you learned in the Army? Dude! They killed your whole family! No, you don’t get it…YOUR WHOLE FAMILY! And you’re playing freaking peek-a-boo games! What about all those guns you own? USE THEM ALREADY! This Punisher punished with petty mind games most of the way. So much for seeing a balls-to-the-wall action flick!

Then there was the crappy inclusion of Frank’s kooky (man, I hate that word) neighbors into the story. Instead of focusing on Frank Castle’s hurting and his build-up to payback, the flick decided to explore tubby Mr. Bumpo (John Pinette), piercing guru Spacker Dave (Ben Foster) and sore thumb super model look-alike Joan ‘the mouse' (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos). It should be said that all three characters were derived from the comic...but they just didn’t work in the film! Their presence was too prominent as they took precious screentime away from Castle and his immediate goal. The hinted-at love thing (his wife just got killed, fuck off girl) and the change of tone that they brought to the piece with their goofy antics also insulted the shite out of me. I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to see during a badass brawl between two tough guys is an inter-cut scene of a fat dude singing opera and dancing with his male friend. For fuck's sakes! Was that supposed to be clever? What’s going on here???

And the excruciating soreness didn’t stop there. Frank Castle actually vanished from the film for a good part of the middle section with the poseur mobsters and the dumb ass neighbors getting more air play. Funny, I thought this was Castle’s story. That's who I cared about and that's who I wanted to see! To add insult to insult, the flick failed in putting out the necessary grim tone (the sunny Tampa location didn’t help), showed off laughable melodrama, plot holes galore (do they know where Castle lives or don’t they? – Where are the cops in this movie?), a hilarious subplot with a gay baddie (wait till you see his face when he gets….), a silly Russian villain dressed like a giant Waldo (?!?) and a finale that redefined the term IDIOTIC (the massive explosion revealed…urg…fuck me man). Want some pancakes with that? I don’t, because I be stuffed from all this BULLSHIT!

On the slight upside, I did enjoy some moments in the film. Seeing a buff Thomas Jane with a Wild Turkey bottle in one hand and a gun in the other had me cheering. Some of the lines also hit home (I dug the obituary one) and it must be said that Roy Schneider sported an impeccable tan that I mucho envied! I need a bigger tan machine as much as he needs a bigger boat! And man, did I laugh my ass off at this movie’s many idiotic turns, slew of gay undertones, lousy dialogue and silly-willy situations. WOW! Laughter is gold so thanks for the giggle fit! Lastly, some of the violence and the action (yes, you saw it all in the trailer) was much appreciated. Not that it was anything standout...actually, it was all too seldom and choppily edited when it went down. But I was looking for anything to hold on to, so the rare physical get downs were a breath of fresh air when compared to the “soap opera” crud I was being served most of the time.     

Before director Jonathan Hensleigh came onto the project, Michael France (co-writer of "Cliffhanger") was working on the screenplay, which contained elements of the 12-issue "Welcome Back Frank" mini-series written by Garth Ennis. France's script was then re-written by Jonathan Hensleigh.

While filming their knife fight, Thomas Jane accidentally stabbed Kevin Nash.

The film was shot for around $30 Million clams in Florida USA.