Watching "The Convent" was like going through a time-warp and living in the 80’s all over again. First off, the premise of this film is so 80s; a bunch of teens hit a haunted joint, get possessed…GORE ensues. Can anybody say “Night Of The Demons” or “Evil Dead”? This flick is definitely the kind of flick you watch with a bunch of homies, while drinking and taking whatever else (that’s exactly what I did and we all had a blast!).

Even though the sight of a zombie in nun’s attire is way creepy, the film’s strongest elements weren’t its chills; the laughs and the gore were first in line. We couldn’t stop cracking up at the slick “Frijole” (Perry)...and in the state that we were in, we easily accepted him as one of the boyz. The dude is so dope and brought many belly laughs to the room! We also pissed ourselves when that poseur Goth Prince (Gunn) showed up. That schmuck was so pathetic it wuz funny (props to the actor). And we all cheered when Barbeau and Clanton barged in for that dual fire-arm zombie massacre. There’s enough shotgun fun, wet gore and beheadings here to fill 10 mainstream horror films. It’s about time a flick delivers full throttle in the blood department! Mark my words...this one goes "all out" just like in the good old days. Yippee!

One thing that set this bad mutha apart from the other “teens in house with zombies movies” was its unorthodox approach to the more familiar elements. It would have been easy to shoot this flick in a very straightforward way but Mendez had something else in mind. Have you ever seen zombies walking in fast motion and glowing in the dark with fluorescent veins? Didn’t think so; it was the first time that I saw shite like that, and my boyz and I affectionately dubbed the zombies: “rave zombies”. They’re so colorful and bright that you almost feel like getting up and dancing every time they show up. This novel execution made everything feel fresh.

But I can’t go on with this review without mentioning one of the more buzzing scenes of the film: our boy Frijole’s mushroom excursion. Let's just say that Mendez’s depiction of a shroom trip was very accurate (to the song “Dream Weaver” no less). Man, that was fly! We we’re all there with Frijole (keep in mind that we were also fucked up), tripping with him and when that unfortunate event happened to him at the end of the scene, we all jumped out of our seats holding our “bleep” and yelling in pain (you’ll see). Poor Frijole! After that, we paused the film and all drank to him. It was a sad moment.

I do have a few negative things to say about the flick though. First of all, due to the large amount of characters in the movie, some of them get lost in the shuffle (who’s Biff again? Kaitlin is the bimbo that keeps her top on, right??). It also would have been nice to have Coolio and Moseley be more involved in the film; in the end, their introduction isn’t really justified (they never tackle the zombies). The film is also lacking in the scares/suspense department. In approaching his zombies in such a unique way, Mendez sacrificed their fear level in the process. There’s nothing scary about evil nuns, glowing in the dark and hopping around like bunny rabbits on acid (but they still look awesome). Also taking into account the flick’s heavy 80s feel, the missing tit shots were a letdown. And last but not least, the film ends a little too abruptly (it looks like they ran out of money). But hey, what can you do?

Genre vet Adrienne Barbeau (Christine) kicks ass as the tough-as-nails killing machine. Joanna Clanton (Clarissa) is very credible as the not-so-squeaky-clean heroine. Megahn Perry (Mo) charmed the pants out of me as the sexy Goth chick. I loved her delivery. Richard Trapp (Frijole) steals the show as the Hispanic looking, but black talking, “mack daddy”, stoner dude. This guy had me cracking up left and right! Coolio (Officer Starkey) shows up long enough to get a few chuckles out of you. His scenes work. David Gunn (Saul) is freaking hilarious as the poseur “Son Of Lucifer” Goth boy!

The film hasn’t been officially released wide yet.

Genre vet Adrienne Barbeau appeared in "The Fog", "Escape From New York", "Creepshow", "Swamp Thing" and more.

Pay attention to "The Convent" (dialogue) and you’ll catch references to Joey Ramone, Menudo, Amityville, The Shining, Elvira and 16 Candles.

Chaton Anderson wrote the screenplay for this film and also plays that big-breasted devil worshipper Seraphina. In the credits she’s credited as Chaton Itae.

Chaton means cat in French.

Am I the only one who thought Oakley Stevenson (who played the young Christine) wuz hot?